Kitten Concessions

This weekend wasn't great, but a lot is going on, so I'm keeping busy. I've had a lot of homework, and I'm learning from it, so I guess that's good. How come things that are good for you are almost never enjoyable? My mom had some things she needed to take care of in Texas, so she drove down and is staying here the next few days. It's good for my sister too, since she has another set of tests tomorrow and Mom will be able to go with her.

Kira's been bugging me to let her get a cat pretty much since we moved in. I'm not so fond of the idea; hair everywhere, scratched up furniture, and an overflowing kitty litter box aren't really what I want to add to an apartment. Plus I'm kinda allergic. I really do like cats, and they can be a lot of fun, but I don't particularly want to live with one right now. Nevertheless, with everything going on, I finally caved, and my sister and I picked up Oliver on Sunday.

He's a really sweet kitten, and has great temperament. Kira had taken care of him at the vet's clinic, and it was a 'now or never' issue of adopting him (he was going back to a pet store, not being put down) and I wasn't able to say never. Officially, it's a one week trial period to see if he stays, but I'm not sure after I could part him from my sister afterward. Worst case, I shut myself in my room and don't let him in, and hope anyone with allergies who comes over doesn't mind hanging out in there with me. So far I haven't really noticed much allergy wise, but I've also had a stuffy nose and cough the last few days anyway. He's got shorter hair, and my sister got a special shampoo for him that should prevent his causing reactions, so hopefully it won't be bad.

He is cute, and playful, which is a nice change from the cats my family had before. He's not all that clever though. If you move something a little too fast and it goes out of his range of vision, he seems to think it's just disappeared. He'll sit and stare at the ground where it was before, expecting it to come back. I also saw him get freaked out by his reflection in the mirror, and he started growling and batting at it. He also doesn't quite realize that sneaking up on someone doesn't really work if they're staring at him the whole time. I guess having him around won't be so bad. So long as he quits trying to sit on my laptop.

Wisdom gained in unlikely places

I can be pretty stuck in routines sometimes. These routines don't normally involve making my bed or cleaning the dishes right away, or anything productive. They're repeated patterns of wasted time, ruts, of shutting myself to what's going on and just coasting by with minimal effort. Every once in a while though, I come across something that makes me think and wake up for a minute. I should be actively trying to get the most out of every day, but I'm not. Maybe enough little moments will make me want to change the way my patterns are laid out.

So I was surfing facebook at work today (things are slow) and basically avoiding having to use my brain, and I came across an old friend's profile. Under the favorite quotes section, along with a couple corny lines and funny references, was a comment I'd made to him in class a year ago. It was just a sarcastic reply to the discussion going on, (I make too many sarcastic comments sometimes) but it surprised me. Most of the time I don't think of myself in the impact I have on the people around me. I tend to isolate myself, make myself invisible because I don't really care about what's going on around me. If I were to suddenly disappear, I often don't think many people would really notice. It may not be a profound revelation, but it's strange to think that I really do impact those around me, I'm not always just brushed off. Not always in major ways, but how I interact with others puts my whole 'survive until the next big event' mentality in a different light. Practically speaking, I'm not sure what I need to do about it other than not get burned out on everything, but at least I can try not to get as trapped in my avoidance of everything.

A lot of this, and other stuff I've posted on here isn't exactly flattering for me. I imagine someone who didn't know me reading this would get the impression that I'm whiny, depressive, and have absolutely no confidence in myself. While I do feel that way sometimes, it's definitely not representative of me. I'm very good at a lot of things. Better than many other people at a lot of them, even. I've certainly had a lot of good things happen to me, regardless of whether I deserved them. My problem is that I see everything too relatively to everything else. For the most part, I'm pretty conscious of my flaws, and they bother me. Not that I'm defined by them, just that I know they're there. I read an article this last week (sorry, can't find the link anymore) saying that people who lie to themselves are happier than those who are honest about their lives. I, for the most part, admit to myself what I'm doing and why, and that sometimes reflects in the way I act. I'm glad I have friends who can see past that. That's not to say I don't delude myself on plenty of issues and even know I'm doing it -- I see what's wrong with me, remember? Oh well. I know I'm growing, and I know I'm not alone.

Psalm 94:
¹⁸ When I said, "My foot is slipping,"
your love, O LORD, supported me.

¹⁹ When anxiety was great within me,
your consolation brought joy to my soul.

Anyway, I do have plenty to do besides dump my insecurities on the internet, and I need to get things together so I can be gone for the weekend. I promise the next post won't be so serious. ;-)

Life? Don't talk to me about life..

This last week, for the most part, has been insanely busy.

The break I talked about earlier... yeah, it wasn't a break, it was just time I should have spent working on bigger projects but didn't. In the last 4 days I've spent 15 hours at work and at least 24 hours on homework and projects. I have another project due tomorrow night too, not to mention another test for the 3rd day in a row. Worst of all: I've had absolutely no desire to do anything school related for the past 3 weeks or so. That might be why things are as hectic right now as they are, but I think I've earned at least a little bit of complaining time.

It's amazing what you can do when you're procrastinating though. I managed to go by the bank, do some errands, wash my laundry, and have a pretty long (several hour) conversation with my sister yesterday. Things haven't been all bad either. I had a really good time Friday night with friends over at Sean's, and Jonathan came by Sunday evening which was nice, even though we were studying. This weekend I'm off to Dave's grandparents' farm, which should be fun, or manual labor, or both. It'll be a nice break from the constant load of things to do I've got right now. Speaking of which, I really should be working on more homework right now, or studying for my test, or folding my laundry, or cleaning my room, or doing the dishes, or...