Clever title to be replaced later...

Geek drawings

2006-11-03T20:37:00.000-06:00

It's weird to think that in month I'll have graduated and will be out in the real world. My class is going fine, even though it's often a lot of work, but I'll be glad when it's over. I'm really looking forward to Thanksgiving, when school will be finished and I get to see Laurie. :-)

I recently got a Wacom pen tablet, and have been playing around with it the last few nights. All the fun of drawing, but on the computer! Yes, it's pretty geeky. My artistic talent doesn't stretch very far, but I'm starting to learn how to use it. This took me all of 5 minutes, testing out some brushes in Corel Painter while I was sitting at home on Halloween:

This one I spent more time on, and used a reference picture I had on my computer:

It's a lot of fun, but some things still take a long time to get looking right. At least on the computer I can easily undo any bad lines, and I don't feel like I'm wasting paper with random sketches that might not be any good.

Back to School

2006-08-19T15:05:00.000-05:00

Blogspot officially sucks. I had a whole post typed up and was about to spellcheck when it erased everything. Serves me right for typing directly in the online editor.

Classes are started again, and I'm actually looking forward to it. This is my last semester and I'm only taking two classes, which will really nice actually getting to relax a little. I'll still be working 3 days a week, but that's also a big step down from 5. I might even have time to play computer games again. :)

The classes I'm taking are Computer Imaging, and Advanced Computer Game Design. Since I only need 2 elective credits, I thought I'd take classes that would actually be fun (and less work.) I had my first Imaging class already, and the professor seems pretty cool. He's probably only 4 or 5 years older than I am, and just finished working at a 3d studio that did the animation for The Ant Bully and Jimmy Neutron. We'll be doing a bunch of Photoshop stuff, and depending on how much time I actually spend doing the homework I may or may not post some of it on here.

I recently ran across some of the best flash animations I've seen. Check out especially the littleFoot movie. Makes me wish I had some artistic ability.

Literary List

2006-08-01T19:27:00.000-05:00

Here's an excuse to update for once. Laurie tagged me, so here you go:

1. One book that changed your life:
I've never really had a huge eye-opening experience reading a book, but The Cost of Discipleship by Bonhoeffer is good, though very difficult to read on several levels.

2. One book that you’ve read more than once:
Lord of the Rings, twice before they started making the movies and a couple times since.

3. One book you'd want on a desert island:
Well, The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook by Joshua Piven doesn't have a section on islands, so War and Peace by Tolstoy. I've never read it, but it's a classic and would keep me busy for a while.

4. One book that made you laugh:
Laurie already listed Hitchhiker's Guide, so Mostly Harmless by Douglas Adams

5. One book that made you cry:
For a while when I was 11, I was really into the Animorphs series. One of the characters, Tobias was trapped in a hawk's body, which made him an outsider to his friends, and prevented him from being with the girl he liked. Yes, it was corny, but hey, I was 11. Other than that, there's really only when my eyes got bloodshot and watery from staying up way too late reading some of Azimov's stories.

6. One book that you wish had been written:
Since this is open to anything: How to Get Paid Tons Of Money for Playing Your Favorite Computer Games... Free Winning Lottery Ticket Included With Purchase

7. One book that you wish had never been written:
More that I hadn't read it: Hound of the Baskervilles by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. I'm sure it's a good story, but I was 10 when I read it and it freaked me out. I couldn't go near big dogs or walk alone in the dark for months.

8. One book you’re currently reading:
Hmm, I haven't read more than a couple pages at a time in a physical book since around this time last year, including textbooks. Does Slashdot.org count?

9. One book you've been meaning to read:
Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller... there's even a copy around here somewhere.

New Chapter?

2006-02-25T12:11:00.000-06:00

A lot has happened to me in the last few months, and this page doesn't really reflect that. In a lot of ways, I feel like I'm living a completely different life than I was a year ago. Maybe it's time for an update, and, if I'm good about it, I may just post on a semi-regular basis again, assuming I can actually think of anything to say. Since I don't really want to go into details on everything, here's a quick list of stuff:

My sister moved back to Canada. I think she's doing well and it's been good for her. I therefore have the apartment to myself, which has been kind of nice.
Due to the "having the apartment to myself" thing, and not being rich, I'm going to need a new apartment. The plan right now is to get a 2 bedroom somewhere with Dave in a few months.
I visited Toronto over Christmas. It was nice to see my relatives again, and I hadn't been to Canada in over 3 years.
My grandmother died a few weeks ago. It kind of came out of nowhere. I'm especially glad I visited and was able to see her one last time.
I have a new job. Eggy got me an interview with JP Morgan, so I'm starting their intern program on Monday. I'm excited. Much better than working at HRsmart in almost every way.
I'm really rethinking the whole master's degree thing. I'm tired of school. I may just take it slow and be done in the fall, and just ignore whatever FastTrack credit I've got. I guess I could always come back and get it if I changed my mind.
I've grown a beard. Someone told me it looks weird on me. I may or may not get rid of it in the near future.
...and some other personal stuff I don't want to make available to everyone, regardless of how few people know this blog address.

Anyway, God has been good, even though life is hard. I'm happy to have great friends. I'm thankful for everything I've been given. I wish I could appreciate it as much as I should.

Kitten Concessions

2005-11-15T15:10:00.000-06:00

This weekend wasn't great, but a lot is going on, so I'm keeping busy. I've had a lot of homework, and I'm learning from it, so I guess that's good. How come things that are good for you are almost never enjoyable? My mom had some things she needed to take care of in Texas, so she drove down and is staying here the next few days. It's good for my sister too, since she has another set of tests tomorrow and Mom will be able to go with her.

Kira's been bugging me to let her get a cat pretty much since we moved in. I'm not so fond of the idea; hair everywhere, scratched up furniture, and an overflowing kitty litter box aren't really what I want to add to an apartment. Plus I'm kinda allergic. I really do like cats, and they can be a lot of fun, but I don't particularly want to live with one right now. Nevertheless, with everything going on, I finally caved, and my sister and I picked up Oliver on Sunday.

He's a really sweet kitten, and has great temperament. Kira had taken care of him at the vet's clinic, and it was a 'now or never' issue of adopting him (he was going back to a pet store, not being put down) and I wasn't able to say never. Officially, it's a one week trial period to see if he stays, but I'm not sure after I could part him from my sister afterward. Worst case, I shut myself in my room and don't let him in, and hope anyone with allergies who comes over doesn't mind hanging out in there with me. So far I haven't really noticed much allergy wise, but I've also had a stuffy nose and cough the last few days anyway. He's got shorter hair, and my sister got a special shampoo for him that should prevent his causing reactions, so hopefully it won't be bad.

He is cute, and playful, which is a nice change from the cats my family had before. He's not all that clever though. If you move something a little too fast and it goes out of his range of vision, he seems to think it's just disappeared. He'll sit and stare at the ground where it was before, expecting it to come back. I also saw him get freaked out by his reflection in the mirror, and he started growling and batting at it. He also doesn't quite realize that sneaking up on someone doesn't really work if they're staring at him the whole time. I guess having him around won't be so bad. So long as he quits trying to sit on my laptop.

Wisdom gained in unlikely places

2005-11-04T14:53:00.000-06:00

I can be pretty stuck in routines sometimes. These routines don't normally involve making my bed or cleaning the dishes right away, or anything productive. They're repeated patterns of wasted time, ruts, of shutting myself to what's going on and just coasting by with minimal effort. Every once in a while though, I come across something that makes me think and wake up for a minute. I should be actively trying to get the most out of every day, but I'm not. Maybe enough little moments will make me want to change the way my patterns are laid out.

So I was surfing facebook at work today (things are slow) and basically avoiding having to use my brain, and I came across an old friend's profile. Under the favorite quotes section, along with a couple corny lines and funny references, was a comment I'd made to him in class a year ago. It was just a sarcastic reply to the discussion going on, (I make too many sarcastic comments sometimes) but it surprised me. Most of the time I don't think of myself in the impact I have on the people around me. I tend to isolate myself, make myself invisible because I don't really care about what's going on around me. If I were to suddenly disappear, I often don't think many people would really notice. It may not be a profound revelation, but it's strange to think that I really do impact those around me, I'm not always just brushed off. Not always in major ways, but how I interact with others puts my whole 'survive until the next big event' mentality in a different light. Practically speaking, I'm not sure what I need to do about it other than not get burned out on everything, but at least I can try not to get as trapped in my avoidance of everything.

A lot of this, and other stuff I've posted on here isn't exactly flattering for me. I imagine someone who didn't know me reading this would get the impression that I'm whiny, depressive, and have absolutely no confidence in myself. While I do feel that way sometimes, it's definitely not representative of me. I'm very good at a lot of things. Better than many other people at a lot of them, even. I've certainly had a lot of good things happen to me, regardless of whether I deserved them. My problem is that I see everything too relatively to everything else. For the most part, I'm pretty conscious of my flaws, and they bother me. Not that I'm defined by them, just that I know they're there. I read an article this last week (sorry, can't find the link anymore) saying that people who lie to themselves are happier than those who are honest about their lives. I, for the most part, admit to myself what I'm doing and why, and that sometimes reflects in the way I act. I'm glad I have friends who can see past that. That's not to say I don't delude myself on plenty of issues and even know I'm doing it -- I see what's wrong with me, remember? Oh well. I know I'm growing, and I know I'm not alone.

Psalm 94:
¹⁸ When I said, "My foot is slipping,"
your love, O LORD, supported me.

¹⁹ When anxiety was great within me,
your consolation brought joy to my soul.

Anyway, I do have plenty to do besides dump my insecurities on the internet, and I need to get things together so I can be gone for the weekend. I promise the next post won't be so serious. ;-)

Life? Don't talk to me about life..

2005-11-03T00:07:00.000-06:00

This last week, for the most part, has been insanely busy.

The break I talked about earlier... yeah, it wasn't a break, it was just time I should have spent working on bigger projects but didn't. In the last 4 days I've spent 15 hours at work and at least 24 hours on homework and projects. I have another project due tomorrow night too, not to mention another test for the 3rd day in a row. Worst of all: I've had absolutely no desire to do anything school related for the past 3 weeks or so. That might be why things are as hectic right now as they are, but I think I've earned at least a little bit of complaining time.

It's amazing what you can do when you're procrastinating though. I managed to go by the bank, do some errands, wash my laundry, and have a pretty long (several hour) conversation with my sister yesterday. Things haven't been all bad either. I had a really good time Friday night with friends over at Sean's, and Jonathan came by Sunday evening which was nice, even though we were studying. This weekend I'm off to Dave's grandparents' farm, which should be fun, or manual labor, or both. It'll be a nice break from the constant load of things to do I've got right now. Speaking of which, I really should be working on more homework right now, or studying for my test, or folding my laundry, or cleaning my room, or doing the dishes, or...

An update!

2005-10-11T15:54:00.000-05:00

As is obvious, I've been putting this whole blog thing to good use. Even when I have time to add something, I don't really have much to add besides random complaints. Oh well, at least things are going better for now. I may even change the temporary title on here that's been up forever.

I never watched the Smurfs much growing up, but they still strike me as an odd phenomenon. Maybe it's because they're an attempt at political subversion in children. Somehow I don't see them as the beginning of the Blue Scare though. An article I found at work talked about how a UNICEF add campaign in Belgium is using them to try to impact people with the horrors of war and it's effect on children. It's sad that people are so desensitized to real violence and tragedy that they have to be ambushed by "safe" images or blatantly confronted with it to recognize the problem. I have to admit, though, that there is something sadistically funny about blowing up a village of mushroom houses with Smurfs scattering everywhere.

School has finally let up a bit. The last couple weeks I've had a constant load of tests to study for, homework to finish, and projects to work on, and having some time to take it slow is nice. Not that I've made great use of it, and if I were smart I'd be taking care of errands I've put off for months, but I could certainly get used to not doing anything all day. For once, I actually have a couple of classes that are somewhat fun. Database Systems is interesting and makes sense, and Computer Graphics is great. I've been wanting to take that class since I started college. My homework assignments so far are here. They're not anything incredible, but I'm proud of what I was able to put together for them, at least programming wise. The artistic part was mostly thrown in at the last minute to prove it works, rather than being the purpose. I keep meaning to put some time in for an assignment to make it all-around-cool, but that would involve not putting it off to the last couple days before it's due. That's still better than waiting till the day of, so I guess that's something.

Another whining post

2005-08-07T21:03:00.000-05:00

"The world isn't fair, Calvin."
"I know, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?"
-Calvin and Hobbes

That's kind of how I feel right now. :-( I'm still going through a bit of a rough patch, and whenever something seems to start getting better, something else starts right up. Maybe I'm not trusting God enough. Maybe things really will get better and I'll see how everything was necessary for something else to happen. Maybe I just complain too much. Whatever it is, I'm not enjoying it, and I don't know how to fix it. I guess I really do need to trust God rather than keep trying to handle it all on my own.

I some ways, I'd like school to start and get back into the regular pattern of things, but I'm really not looking forward to having homework assignments again. I'm somewhat worried about the grad class I'll be taking, since I think even the undergrad version would be hard. The professor is good, but I'm still not sure what to expect. I've also got a few things I need to take care of paperwork wise, and I've been too lazy to put the hours into it. I suppose I should be doing that right now, but I'm in a bad mood and would rather mope.

For all the would-be evil geniuses

2005-08-02T09:31:00.000-05:00

And now, as a special service for those planning galactic domination for whom a giant space laser isn't enough, How to Destroy the Earth. It's a little boring in parts and definitely very nerdy, but an interesting find nonetheless.

In other news, my Mom, brother, and sister are visiting this week. It's nice to see them, but I'm working most of the time and there isn't a whole lot for them to do while they're here. My one bedroom apartment also isn't designed for 5 people and 2 cats, so it's a little crowded. I'm sure I'll spend a fair bit of time with them, but I hope they don't mind if I hang out with friends a bit while they're here too (they're staying about a week and a half.)

I finally got a mouse for my laptop. It's wireless and feels about the right size. I'd like it a lot, except it doesn't work. The range is limited to about 8 inches, effectively defeating the purpose of having a wireless mouse. Fortunately, despite what people say Microsoft is a pretty cool company and is sending me a replacement for free. It just means I have to wait a little longer before I can use it.

And I didn't even cheat!!

2005-07-31T15:09:00.000-05:00

Ok, so maybe this blog will only contain silly online quiz results and occasional complaining, but I wanted to post this anyway:

You're Canada!
People make fun of you a lot, but they're stupid because you've got a much better life than they do. In fact, they're probably just jealous.

You believe in crazy things like human rights and health care and not dying in the streets, and you end up securing these rights for yourself and others. If it weren't for your weird affection for ice hockey, you'd be the perfect person.
Take the Country Quiz at the Blue Pyramid

And since I'm not a huge hockey fan, I guess I'm perfect! :-)

Stating the obvious

2005-07-20T20:45:00.000-05:00

Ok, so most of this fairly accurate. I still hold that "geek" and "cool" are not mutualy exclusive though.

The Deviant Geek
You answered 80% of the questions as a geek truly would.

You're a geek and you know it. You've got all sorts of fringe hobbies and socially unacceptable tendencies. Chances are, whenever possible, you hate to be grouped with other people and sometimes go out of your way just to be different.

You're smart too. You're more willing to depend on your own brainpower to solve problems, instead of relying on others to pull you through life. You probably read a lot, and generally enjoy learning new things.

So what's it all mean? You may be considered by some to be uncool, but you probably don't care either. In social situations you may be either slightly passive or slightly loud (geeks always fall into the extremes). In a nutshell, you answered enough questions correctly supporting a geek philosophy to be considered a more potent geek than 60% of the population.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 76% on geekness

Link: The True Geek Test written by ambientred

Woe is me

2005-07-19T11:55:00.000-05:00

Reading back over that last post, it does seem like I'm complaining a lot. Looks pretty typical of a lot of emo teenager livejournals with their drama filled lives. Maybe I should have kept most of that to myself, but oh well. It's not like I've widely distributed the link to this anyway. So rest assured, dear reader (most likely, me) that my life isn't so horrible. Did I just talk to myself over the internet? Am I still doing it? Guess that makes me a little crazy as well as emotionaly unstable. ;-)

Getting worn out

2005-07-19T10:36:00.000-05:00

Ran across this at work today: The Ultimate Machine. A machine who's entire purpose when activated is to turn itself off. At the same time both very cool and very creepy.

Didn't really have a great weekend. Without Friday off, it was a lot shorter than normal too. Even though I've only been working 30 scheduled hours a week, I'm really feeling any extra hours I do get. I suppose it's good since I'm paid for it, but not having as much time off the last two weeks in a row has been a little draining. This job is pretty tough to take in batches of more than 3 hours at a time or so, even if I hardly get anything accomplished during a few of them each day. It's become even more so ever since most of the people I knew stopped working here. Sam and Lesley were fun to listen to and helped a lot with some of the bigger projects with short deadlines. I miss being able to commiserate about special assignments and working with Xuan. And I miss being able to see and talk to Jennifer on a regular basis, even if she did hate the job.

Something needs to change. I'm surviving, but for the most part, I'm just living from one weekend to the next. I often feel unappreciated and ignored. That's not to say I always am, but it seems like I've been losing the people I'm closest to. Daniel moving away and Laurie soon too doesn't help. I'm going to miss them. At least Jonathan and Carter will be back after the summer. Still, I've been kinda separated from everyone around me, and I'm not enjoying it. I guess this isn't going to fix itself; if I want to improve things I'm going to have to do something about it.

Even more stuff I don't quite need

2005-07-14T18:38:00.000-05:00

I've spent far too much money the last couple months. Normally, I'm pretty conservative in my spending, but I've suddenly splurged on a few big things; far more than I probably would have spent on smaller, more indulgent things in the mean time. The camping trip, going to Colorado, and finally getting a laptop have certainly given my bank account a workout, but I don't really regret the decisions, so I suppose it's money well spent. There have also been numerous expenses in moving into my new place, plus renewing my car insurance, and tuition coming up (which I may or may not be reimbursed for, depending on financial aid) so the comfort margins of my balance are shrinking somewhat. I'm really not all that worried, on average I'm making a bit more than I'm spending, but I'm not going to be making any large purchases for the next several months.

That said, I still need a couple things for the new computer, and I've been trying to decide the best and least wasteful way to get them. Once school starts, I'm probably going to need a new backpack since I'm off campus now, my old one is broken, and I'll want to carry my computer with me. I've more or less decided on this one:

Hopefully it'll have space for books and everything; I looked at one in Fry's, and it should be ok so long as I don't have to carry more than a couple of the really thick textbooks. Most of the bags I've looked at have been pretty expensive, but this one's not too bad. I'd really feel guilty spending money on it, but I still have an Amazon.com gift certificate from Christmas, and I got some apartment deposit money back. Should be able to cover this, a mouse, and maybe a game too. Still, I'm not going to need all this for another couple months, so there's no real reason to spend the money besides the novelty factor. It's been great to see that God has provided for me, and I know He will continue to. Anything I'm expecting and He doesn't grant me I probably don't need anyway; I've been trying to remember how blessed I really am, even when I don't always feel like it.

Project Genesis

2005-07-08T12:39:00.000-05:00

I ran across this at work today and thought it was kinda funny:
Project Genesis

This kind of thing is starting to seem way to familiar at my job. Oh well, at least I can more or less do what I want at work without getting into too much trouble.

Blah..

2005-07-06T16:02:00.000-05:00

Today's one of those days where I really have no ability or desire to concentrate on work, so I'm posting this instead. I haven't really given this link to anyone yet, so if you read this, leave a comment and let me know.

The last couple weeks have been rough. I'd go into detail, but I am still at work and I'm not sure I want everything to become public knowledge if I do ever share this. Oh well. Suffice it to say I've been going through an extra round of lonelyness/depression/antisocial tendancies. Man, I'm not even coherrent. So much for productivity today, I'll have to get all this out at home in a less published place.

Since I'm bored at work...

2005-06-23T13:11:00.000-05:00

let's see if this thing actualy works